


When We Pass

by tigereyes45



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:51:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9530345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigereyes45/pseuds/tigereyes45
Summary: Au: What if Jenkins hadn't found that card?My thoughts on what would have happened.





	1. A Dinner but No Date

Jacob and Ezekiel were injured, but minorly. Somehow they had managed to fend off the vampires until Cassandra and Estrella arrived. Well until Estrella arrived, supposedly. Cassandra had blacked out after the fight with Tomas. She didn't wake up until they were back in the library. Jenkins had filled her in on it all. Well he actually just told her what the guys had told him.

When Cassandra woke up her head hurt. Enough to let her know that she wasn't dead. When she opened her eyes she saw a familiar ceiling. She was back in the annex. The thought brought her temporary relief until she remembered what had happened. Immediately she was pushing herself up. She was back on the cot. Back when they all were sick Jenkins and Eve had set them up for them.

The thought of Jenkins causes her face to flush. She had really asked him out,  and he had turned her down. He was so polite about it, but she was so angry. Angry that her plan to spend her last night doing something that would make her happy had failed. Her doctor hadn't said it was her last night alive, but it was heavily implied.

“Cassandra?” His voice had snapped her out of her thoughts and it was then that Jenkins came into view. He had a tray. On it was a cold glass of water and a plate of something she couldn't see. Her head swam when she had tried to raise it. He set the tray down and made her lay back.

That was when he explained what had all transpired while she was out of it. Now he was setting up what was suppose to be her dinner. The thought that it may be her final meal crosses her mind and she looks away.

“Dinner is ready Miss Cillian.” Jenkins says politely. Cassandra rolls her head back around to look at him. Between them he had set a table. From where she was laying all she could see was one of the white candles.

“Here, allow me.” Jenkins stands up and assists Cassandra with sitting up. “Are you feeling better?”

“I have a headache but other then that I am feeling better.”

Jenkins hands leave her as she straightens herself up. He takes a seat across from her, in a chair she hadn't notice was there before. He straightens his tie before setting his handkerchief down in his lap. Cassandra smiles slightly as he clasps his hands together.

“Well, shall we begin?”

Cassandra looks over the set. Two identical plates filled with food. The candle was set off to the side of the table in a silver holder.

“Jenkins, what is this?” Cassandra asks feeling a little giddy and confused.

“While the idea of a date was what you offered earlier. I know I declined. Despite my best efforts you were hurt and I am sorry. I do not return the same feelings as you do.” Cassandra’s face falls. Of course he didn't. What did she expect? “However, I do not see why we can't enjoy a nice dinner together. As friends.” Jenkins adds putting emphasis on the last part.

“I understand.” Cassandra says sounding slightly defeated. She forces herself to smile. “Thank you.”

She picks up her fork and begins to eat. She didn't miss the fact that Jenkins was watching her very closely. His gaze never left her as they ate. It made her fidget. The silence made her feel uncomfortable.

“Why,”She begins but he interrupts her.

“Why did you want to go out on a date?” Jenkins asks.

Cassandra pauses her eating. She looks up at him. This was it. Cassandra takes a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “Because I like you Jenkins.” She admits. “At first it was just admiration. You were so smart, and understanding. You listened and even though you were a bit rough around the edges. Actually you still are sometimes.” She laughs to try and dispel her nerves. His stone face was breaking. A smile cracks his lips. “You didn't try to stop me from learning magic. All you did was warn me about the dangers.” She sets down her fork. “Jenkins you are such an inspiration!” She shouts before realizing how loud she had just been.

Cassandra looks around to see if anyone else was near enough to hear her. No one was in sight and she heard nothing from the rest of the annex. Jenkins sighs.

“Cassandra I,”

“Don’t. I understand. I just wanted to have a nice night out with someone I respected and cared for. However this is a close second.” Cassandra tries to smile convincingly. She was sure it fell flat, but for right now. All she wanted was to enjoy the meal and the company.

Jenkins was watching her again. She fights the urge to rest her head in her hand. It was hurting again but she didn't want him to know. She didn't want any of them to know and feel sad or worried. Cassandra never thought she would have people in her life who would care she was gone. Sure her parents but parents shouldn't really count. She didn't want any of them feeling sad during what was most likely her last few days. If she was lucky to have that long.

“How is the food?” Jenkins asks before taking another bite.

“Delicious.” Cassandra says eating a mouthful.

He chuckles. “Good I'm glad you are enjoying it.”

Cassandra swallows her food. “Thank you Jenkins.” She hoped that one day he would see everything great about him that she saw.

The rest of the night was uneventful. Jenkins was worried that her head had been damaged during the fight between Tomas and Estrella. So they stayed in the library. Talking, enjoying each other's company. Even after they had finished their meal Cassandra found herself so distracted by him that her thoughts left her impending end. Yet as the hour grew she grew tired and Jenkins had carried all their plates away. He moved the table back to its spot and blew out the candle as Cassandra laid back down. He walks over to her to help her with her covers that had been pushed to the opposite end. As he tucked her in, Cassandra grabs his arm.

“Please don't go. I know I have no right to ask this of you, but please.” She fought back the tears in her eyes, fear gripping her. This was unfair to him, but she didn't want to be alone. She considers telling him the truth as he looks longingly at his own bedroom’s door. If she did he would just get upset. Maybe even force her to go to the hospital. If he did she would lose it all. Everything that made her a librarian. She couldn't stand that thought.

Jenkins sets his other hand over hers and nods. Her grip loosens and he gently moves her hand back down his arm. Letting it rest on the side of the cot. He leaves his hand on top of hers. It was nice and warm. Large enough so that it engulfed hers whole.

“How can I deny such a request?” He asks, teasingly. Cassandra giggles, a sense of comfort rushing over her from his touch and words. He always had that effect on her, somehow. As her eyes close. She feels herself growing lighter. Her decision to spend her last night with him had been the right one in her mind. As long as she could, she would never forget this.


	2. A Vigil Kept

Jenkins had kept vigil over Cassandra all night. For some reason the young lady had not wanted him to go and while he felt unsure about staying. (His own bed calling to him, and a nagging feeling that this would only make things worse.) He did stay. Something had her frighten. Enough to bring tears to her eyes. He had noticed, but thought it best not to dwell on it.

Being an immortal did have its perks. This would not be the first night he had gone through without sleep. Nor would it be the last, he was sure. His memories were filled with many sleepless nights. The first being all the way back when he had first been knighted. He stops his mind from wandering back to the past. Jenkins learned long ago that one could get lost quite easily in it.

As the night grows older Jenkins felt his eyelids turn heavy. He uses his free hand to rub the sleep from his eyes. Perhaps he wasn't as able as he use to be. He considers getting up to get some tea or perhaps coffee would be a better aid in this case. He looks back down at Cassandra. Her little form outlined by the shadows around them. The annex was dark right now. All lights out except for a distant desk lamp’s. Jenkins thought of turning the lamp off several times, but if he did that it would be much too easy for him to fall asleep. Right now he has to stay awake, for Cassandra.

The thought of her drew his attention back. That was when he realized her hand felt cold. Jenkins stands up and releases her hand from his. He checks her forehead only to feel the knot in his stomach grow. Her face was cold. As cold as the stone in the ground beneath them. He checks her pulse only to have his deepest fears confirmed.

He was use to loss. He has lost more than any other living person. He knew he would lose these librarians too. Though he had always held suspicions that Flynn or Baird would be the first to go. Yet as he looks at Cassandra now. Her face soft with a graceful smile on it. Her hand still lying where he had set it on the side of the bed. He hadn't even noticed how cold it had gotten during the night. How could he not have noticed? Jenkins curses to himself as he makes his way over to the phone. He picks it up, unsure of who to dial first. His mind settles on Baird. The colonel should be the first alerted of Cassandra’s passing. That way she could prepare herself for the support the others would undoubtedly need. Jenkins waits patiently as the phone rings. Before the first rong was even done she picked up. Ever the punctual person.

“Jenkins?” Her voice was alert for someone who had just undoubtedly woken up.

“Colonel. I'm sorry to disturb your rest, but there is something that needs your dire attention now.”

“Jenkins what's wrong?” Concern fills her voice.

“Miss Cillian,” Jenkins finds himself unable to say anything for a moment. He lets out a shaky breath before continuing. “Cassandra is gone.” He was expecting a question. There were always questions during this part. Something about the way he said it must have made it clear to Baird for she had none.

“I'm on my way.” She says briskly. Her tone now resembling a military soldier.

“I'll have the door ready for you.” He replies hanging up and setting the door coordinates. Once the door was ready he leaves it and makes his way back over to Cassandra. Carefully he picks up the blanket, moving it from her shoulders to cover her face. Only the very top of her red hair was visible from beneath the blanket. Her read hair had always been so beautiful. A vibrant color that could remind one of fire. Yet not nearly dark enough to remind someone of blood. A beautiful shade really. Perfect for a beautiful person.

Jenkins hears the door open and close. Baird’s footsteps echo throughout the annex as she runs the short distance over to the body. To Cassandra’s body. She lets out a choked sob. Jenkins heard her knees hit the ground as he looks away.

“I will call the others. I imagine Flynn was not with you.”

“No. He said something about having to go last night before I retired.” Eve explains.

“I will do my best to reach him. However I think it would be best and easier if I contacted Mr. Stone and Mr. Jones next.” Jenkins returns to his desk and makes the two more phone calls. They reacted differently then the colonel. Stone was bewildered and angry. His surprise quickly changed to denial and anger. He requested a door so he could see the body himself. Jenkins did not deny him or try to argue. He opens the door and the cowboy came running through it. His pajamas still on. He ran right over to where Baird was kneeling. Ezekiel was much more calm over the whole thing. Jenkins hadn't been expecting that. If anything he had been expecting Mr. Jones to act more like Stone had. Instead when he offered a door Ezekiel thanked him but turned the offer down.

“I just need some air mate.” Ezekiel explains and Jenkins starts to nod, forgetting that Ezekiel could not see him through the phone.

“Of course. Please come by when you feel ready to. We all should be here.”

“Is Flynn there?”

“No. I have not been able to reach Mr. Carson yet.” Jenkins answers.

“Then we all wouldn't be there anyways.” Ezekiel retorts sounding hurt.

“I will contact Flynn after our phone call. I felt it was best to call the three of you first since you worked closest with her. However if you need space that is completely understandable. Please remember Ezekiel. We all have lost someone today. It is perfectly fine for you to confide in us.”

He could hear Ezekiel sighing. “Yeah I know. I'll be by later Jenkins.” Ezekiel states before hanging up.

“Who was that?” Jacob asks.

“Ezekiel. He will be joining us later.” Jenkins answers monotonously.

Jacob gives him a look of disbelief. “Where is he?” Jacob demands angrily.

“He will be joining us later Mr. Stone.” Jenkins looks up towards Miss Baird who was still kneeling by Cassandra.

“I can't believe this! I can't believe he isn't coming!” Jacob shouts angrily.

“Mr. Stone he is young. He needs time to process this. She was family to us all.”

“That doesn't give him,”

“Yes it does Stone. We all deal with death in our own ways.” Jenkins shakes his head. “Please go help Miss Baird as I call Mr. Carson.”

Jacob looks back and forth between Jenkins, the door, and Eve. Finally with a huff and puff he makes his way back over to Baird. Jenkins chooses to forgive his anger. Everyone deals with lost differently. Just like Ezekiel needed space and time to come to terms with it. Jacob would need something or someone to blame and take his frustrations out on. Eve was eerily silent as she was sitting by the body.

Jenkins calls Flynn. He doesn't pick up so Jenkins left him a message the third time the call hadn't gone through.

“Jacob is calling a funeral home.” Eve explains. “I-i am going to be calling her parents. They should know.” She rubs her hands up and down the length of her arms.

“Of course.” Jenkins agrees. “I have left Mr. Carson a message and Ezekiel said he shall be joining us later.”

Eve nods. “Thank you.” She remains still. Just standing there in front of him.

“Something else on your mind Baird?”

She glances up at him before looking back over to Cassandra and Jacob. “Just, was she alone? W-when it happened?”

Jenkins sighs. He looks down at his desk and rests his hands flat against it. “No she was not. She asked me to stay with her last night. Something had her frighten. Now I believe I know what and why she wanted the company. I stayed with her right by her side all night until I had noticed she was gone.” Jenkins notices that his hands were shaking. He clenches them to stop it. Then he ticks.them under his armpits to hide the shaking. He was trying to make it all seem natural. He could not also fall to his grief right now. He had to remain calm, just like Baird. He spots the fact that Baird was eyeing his arms. “You were the first person I called.” Jenkins tells her, hoping it would distract her. Draw her attention back to her tasks at hand.

She nods and takes a deep breath. “I better go make those calls.” She excuses herself and walks away to find solitude somewhere within the shelves.

Jacob was still pacing around Cassandra’s body. He wouldn't move any farther then a couple of steps from her body. Sometimes he would get closer to her, moving the blanket to get a glimpse of her face, or to whisper something to her body. He was acting rather over protective of her. Perhaps Jenkins earlier assumption of something going on between the two had been correct. Or maybe the feelings were just on Mr. Stone’s side. Why didn't she just invite him out? No doubt Strobe wouldn't have said no. Unlike himself. Jenkins sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I will be in my room if you or the colonel need anything.” Jenkins informs Stone who only nodded in response, before muttering how he should have been here. Self-guilt. Now that could destroy men. Jenkins thinks but he doesn't bother warning Stone. Afterall he was only grieving like they all were. Beside he knew what happens to good men when they succumb to grief. Many famous artists have.

Jenkins doesn't bother taking anything back to his room with him. Instead he just walked back to it as if everything was normal. Afterall wasn't this normal? She was human. A terminally ill human. Humans die. Especially the sick ones. Jenkins reminds himself.

He makes it to his room and opens the door with shaky hands. Carefully he shuts it behind him. Before making his way over to his dresser drawers. He opens them to find a nice suit he could wear to her funeral. He had a nice black suit that he could wear with a blue tie. He sets the outfit out and sits down on his bed. Looking at it from where he sat. Right now. He felt extremely tired. Jenkins bats his eyes so that he could stay awake. He didn’t even notice that his eyes were growing moist. Not until he felt the tears land on his pant legs. Jenkins raises a hand to his face and feels the familiar wetness. He wipes the tears away with the palm of his hand before looking up at the ceiling. He tries to blink the tears away but that doesn't  stop them.

Eventually he gives up on trying to stop the tears and just lets them fall. He gives in for a moment. Just for a moment while he was alone, he would give in, and let his tears fall.


	3. The Funeral

Eventually Flynn was reached and he immediately requested a door. Jenkins could hear them all talking out in the annex as he stayed shut in his research laboratory. A place that felt incredibly lonelier than usual. He never minded being separate from the rest. In fact he enjoyed peace and solitude more than anything else. However, he was growing fond of having so much more company than usual. Yet now, instead of the warmth presence of the very excitable girl. The same girl who insisted on helping him and learning about all that she could from she, would not be there again. She would never be in the lab with him again. For she had passed on, something Jenkins only wish he could. Part of him had always wanted to move on, but another part of him knew he had to stay. There was still need of him here, or so he told himself. He refused to say he was afraid of death, no matter how natural a feeling that was.

She had been scared too. He had seen it in her eyes, but he had chalked it off to other things. He never thought she would be gone so quickly. That he would be there watching her pass without knowledge of it. The thought never crossed his mind. Sure he thought of death and he had anticipated the day he would lose one of these librarians. Jenkins was no fool. He knew he would lose them all. He would still have to go through the death of the others, but he selfishly had hoped for longer. He had prayed silently in moments of turmoil that they would live and be around for a little longer.

“You couldn’t let me have that, could you?” He asks, not because he was spiteful, but because he felt pathetic. He looks up from his work and stares at the ceiling. It wasn’t the ceiling he saw, but the vision of light he had seen once when he was younger. When he had achieved the holy grail. When the angels had come down and spoke to him then. A moment he would never forget, but now he wished they would visit again. Just so he knew someone heard him. Just so he knew his plea was acknowledged. Even if he never received an answer, he at least wish he knew that he was heard.

“Jenkins?” The call of his name was accompanied by a knock on the door. Sighing, he turns around and opens it.

“Yes, what may I do for you Colonel?” Jenkins asks trying not to sound tired, or annoyed. By the expression of concern on the Colonel’s face he knew why she was there.

“We have everything arranged. Her family has also been contacted. The body will be collected shortly, and then the funeral will be taking place tomorrow.” Baird explains.

“Yes, alright. Was there anything else you need Colonel?” Jenkins asks. He was starting to pull away from the door and back into his lab. Eve rests a hand on his arm and stops him.

“Don’t pull away Jenkins. We’ve all lost someone today.”

“Yes you all have.” Jenkins says purposely separating him from the rest vocally.

Eve tries to hide her hurt expression. “Jenkins, you were the only one here. Her family asked if any of us wanted to talk at the funeral. It is going to be a small private affair. Would, like to speak?” The way she asked it, he knew what answer she was expecting. Reminding him that he was here with her in her last moments. Some of the most precious of a person’s life. She wanted him to speak, but Jenkins wasn’t sure if he could. He stares at her for a few moments before closing his eyes and nodding.

“I shall write an eulogy for the occasion.” He says and bows his head.

Her eyes soften and a smile graces her face. “Thank you Jenkins.”

She begins to walk away but stops abruptly. “And Jenkins. I understand that we all have our own way of coping, but please do not turn your back on the rest of us. We still need your help.” She said we but he knew she meant them. The other three who did not handle death as well as them.

“Of course. I shall not. Let me finish up my work here and then I will be right out.” She smiles at him. He shuts the door. The place was a mess. He had to clean it up.

Colonel Baird and Jacob handled the body until it was picked up. They used the door to take her to a more suitable place for pick up. The library was no place for this. It was the one place the librarians were suppose to be safe. Eventually Ezekiel called and requested his door. When he arrived he was wearing a drenched shirt that was clinging to his body as if it didn’t it would fall off of him. His pants were a saggy, wet mess. His hair was a dark mess on top of his head and his eyes were closed. He dips his head down as he walks through the annex. He avoids looking at anyone as he heads towards one of the back rooms.

Jenkins looks away from Ezekiel’s back towards Flynn who was just staring back. Jenkins checks to make sure Ezekiel was out of sight, and hopefully out of earshot. No sign of the boy and the sound of a door slamming shut told him it was probably safe to speak. He looks back over to Flynn.

“Mr. Carsen you should go talk to him.”

Flynn shakes his head. “Jenkins,” he begins but stops. He was thinking it over in his head. Jenkins could tell by the way Flynn rolled his eyes.

“Alright. I’ll go talk to him.” He sighs heavily before chasing after the boy.

Jenkins watches as they leave. Hopefully Ezekiel would be settled down by the time the funeral would take place. They had a two days to mourn and prepare themselves. He had two days to write a speech. Just yesterday he had been declining her advances. Now he was writing her an eulogy.

Jenkins stood quiet before the crowd. It was a rather small gathering. He knew the library had a habit for picking those who did not have much. He also knew that Cassandra and her family was not always on the best of terms. She also had very few friends before her time at the library started. Yet despite all of this he had expected….well he was not quite sure what he had expected. Something a little more.

Jenkins casts his eyes out to look over everyone who had bothered attending. Eyes already teary and red from the speech her mother had already given. Jenkins looks back at the closed casket. He could almost picture her laying there. Her face calm and peaceful. A small, playful smiling that would lie upon her lips. He could imagine her wearing the green dress she had worn when they slipped into the party together. Flowers would surround her. Gifts from those who were there now. They would look so vibrant compared to her pale skin. Yet none of those flowers would ever be able to outshine her true beauty. The beauty that Jenkins thought was unique to her. Just as Baird had a unique charm to her, and Ezekiel a way to always stay so prideful that he had never seen before. Jenkins could picture her there, but in truth she was not.

The casket was empty, meant only for show. Cassandra had donated her body to science. They found out after reading her will. Jenkins felt like that was a every cassandra thing of her to do. Even if he wished he had a body to say farewell to instead of an empty box. The situation was what it was and nothing could be changed by this point. Who were they to deny her, her last wish when she was gone? He dips his head. He had been. He had turned down her last wish. Replacing it with a shoddy dinner in a place they were always in. Nothing special about any of it.

Jenkins looks back out at the crowd. In the second row, behind her family, sat her fellow librarians with the company of Baird. Jenkins watches them for a moment, reminding himself that he was not alone in this. Slowly he closes his eyes and takes a breath.

“Cassandra,” He begins. “Was a special person to me. As I am sure she was to many of you. From what I understood about her she was not one who spent a lot of time with those she did not know. Which is why I am extremely grateful we had a chance to meet and speak. So we could grow to know one another. The conditions were odd and the job stressful. There were times at which I thought of her as little more then a young, naive girl in the beginning. She was quick to prove me wrong.” Jenkins lets out a small chuckle. He frowns down at his hands before taking a breath and continuing. He had stepped up there knowing what he would say. There was no need for a piece of paper. He had written many eulogies in the past. Eventually he had just stopped writing them altogether. Choosing to memorize his words before hand instead. He felt they were more precious that way. More personal. A cough in the small crowd caught his attention and he remembers he has not finished speaking his words.

“Cassandra Cillian was an amazing person. A true friend. She made mistakes, she made miracles happen, and she was, overall, extremely special to those who knew her best. I feel lucky to be able to count myself among them. She will be missed, and remembered for as long as our memories hold her. For as long as mine shall. She was very dear to me. To us. This pain we feel right now may never leave us, but that small ache. The pain of the hole it leaves, shall grow smaller and eventually we’ll be able to move on. Which is what she was always talking about. Living. She loved to live. She lived to be loved. Wherever she is I do hope she is happy.” Jenkins rests his hands to his sides, off of the podium. ‘She was important to me. I loved her.’ Words he wanted to say but he felt as if he already had. This moment wasn’t just for him. It was for all of them. He could not be selfish by personalizing it. “I am sure everyone of us in this room loved this amazing, wonderfully bright woman.”

Jenkins turns around, towards the closed casket. He rest his right hand ontop of it and bends his head over it. “I will miss you.” He whispers to it before taking his leave. He steps down and returns to his seat besides Flynn at the end of the row. After the rows begin to stand and each say their goodbye to the casket. Ezekiel, Jacob, Cassandra’s father, and a cousin of hers, carries the casket out and into the back of the herse. Jenkins follows Flynn and Baird to the latter’s car.

The ride to the cemetery was long and quiet. The police led the small barrage of cars all the way through the town. To a rustic cemetery that held more dead then there was living in the nearby town. Jenkins had always imagined Cassandra was the type of girl who grew up in a small town. Apparently she herself was not. She was instead a product of growing up young in a more rural area then this town. Yet it turns out that this was a very familial cemetery. Cassandra’s last few generations of her family line were all buried here. Even her parents had plots picked out.

“We’re here.” Eve announces as she slows the car to a stop. Was mood was sober and solemn as they step out of the vehicle.

A small line follows the casket as the bearers slowly carry her forward. The upturned ground lying besides its hole. They carefully place the casket on the machine and it does the rest. Laying it perfectly in place at the bottom of the pit. As they cover it up with dirt again Jenkins finds his thoughts elsewhere.

Back then there had been rain. Not a lot. Just a small shower. Then nothing for weeks. During that time just as now, he wished there was more rain. Something that matched his feelings.

Months pass and eventually the team returns to their old attitudes and habits. The boys continued their work as librarians. Eve trying her best to keep guarding them as their guardian. As always Jenkins was Jenkins. He stayed in the annex working, offering guidance, and of course all tagging along on adventures from time to time.

The library still stand thousands of years from then. Librarians and guardians have come and gone. Yet Jenkins was still Jenkins. He remained. His friends living in the memories in his head. A flash of red hair and he sees her face. When he hears someone mention math or magics and her voice speaks to him. He misses all of them. Cries at all of their funerals. Hears and sees them all at moments. Yet her ghost was most common. Her loss still felt fresh, and she was still alive in his memory. Such as they all were.


End file.
